Early Termination

My Peace Corps journey began and ended in the same place, with sleepless nights. I have decided to early terminate my service for a number of personal reasons, but in the end, suffice it to say that every season in life and individual circumstance are different, and for me at this time, coming home was the right option.

I learned so much from my time in Guatemala and will forever treasure the lessons and connections I was blessed with while there.

I will always and forever be immensely grateful for the countless individuals who supported me - friends and family in the United States, Guatemalan friends and family, Peace Corps Guatemala staff, and last but not least my fellow volunteers, some of the most inspiring people I’ve ever had the privilege to know.  

So as I move forward with the next chapter of my life, as Frank Herbert wisely said, “there is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.” And, although my official Peace Corps story stops here, it’s my hope to move forward individually in the same spirit of progress and service that abounds in that organization.

Day One

After two months of long days of training, we finally swore in on Friday, June 3, which marked the official beginning of our two years of service here in Guatemala. The ceremony was short and sweet, with a few words from a representative of the US Embassy Guatemala, the Country Director, our Training Manager, and.....moi! I was nominated and chosen by my peers to represent us as a training group during this ceremony, which was a surprise and an honor, and I tried to do my best to deliver.

My speech went as follows:

Good morning Ms. Nancy Szalwinski, Counselor for Public Affairs, Peace Corps Director Mr. George Like, Peace Corps Director of Programming and Training, Mr. Craig Badger, Training Manager Ms. Carolyn Beal, Peace Corps staff, invited Volunteers and guests, and my 12 fellow new volunteers.

I arrived home a few nights ago to a scene just like any other night. I popped the window open, gently pulled on the lock to my metal door, stepped inside, and carefully shut it behind me so as not to make a commotion. Not that it matters much in my house, with the parrots screaming, dog barking, and tv humming the news of the day. Grandmother Agripina was sitting on her mat in the courtyard strapped in to her weaving, working on her guipil. Mother Milca, Grandmother Agripina and I exchanged pleasantries and chatted about our days for a few minutes, then I retired to my room to begin the daunting task of packing all my things to get ready to leave.

The moment I arrived in my new host home, the first thing my host family did was help me put up my mosquito net. I know, muy pilas. The family offered pieces of their hilo (thread) to suspend the net from the ceiling. This night, however, I was charged with untying the knots that were carefully crafted that first day. While I was meticulously untying the knots, Grandmother Agripina began to sing as she wove. Without even realizing it, I started to sing along with her. After a subconscious chorus, my own voice startled me. I was surprised I knew the song and it was so ingrained that I had joined in. It then dawned on me that I knew the song from my own childhood. It was a religious refrain titled, “Sunshine in my Soul,” in English, that is, and my own grandmother used to sing when we were working in her garden.

In that moment, all my feelings for my host family that have accumulated over the last two months of training washed over me. I felt immense significance in the hilo I was holding in my hand. The hilo was a tangible representation of my host family’s culture, and with it, the knots were bringing our two worlds together. With Grandmother Agripina’s gentle voice singing in the adjacent room, and the hilo laying softly in my hands, I started to cry thinking about the common threads of humanity we already shared with Guatemalans before coming here – things like hard work, joy, and family, the different pieces of our cultures we have begun to tie together, and the amazing art we as volunteers can potentially weave with each new colorful piece of hilo and connections we collect throughout our time here.

It’s been over 400 days since I first submitted my application to become a Peace Corps Volunteer.

We’ve had 337 hours of training we’ve had since we started this program.

A year ago it was nearly impossible to imagine actually arriving in this beautiful country, and two months ago it was difficult to anticipate seeing swear-in day. Still now it feels surreal to be packing up to leave the people and places I’ve come to love to move on to our permanent sites.

And speaking of people and places near to our hearts, we must recognize the village who have built the bridge for us to cross the chasm from the brand new doe-eyes Peace Corps Trainees of two months ago to the semi-new doe-eyed Peace Corps Volunteers sitting here today.

To the staff here in the office, who always provide friendly smiles, words of encouragement, and assistance with the details of life without which we couldn’t survive, we could never repay you. Seriously though, we’re just volunteers, after all.

To our Language and Cultural Facilitators, who have been with us day in and day out through the frustration to the breakthroughs, and have helped us understand and laugh at our numerous faux pas. We recognize and appreciate the vast dedication it takes to be here and help us progress. Muchas gracias, adios.

To our project team, Carlos and Maria Cristina, for empowering us to project our passions in more effective directions, and continually offering unconditional support and guidance, thank you for teaching us how to keep calm and ERCA on.

To Carolyn, from day one at the airport and every day since (well, with the exception of one lavish vacation to Panama), watching over us like a mother goose over her goslings, lighting the path one step at a time, and gently helping us improve our weak spots while highlighting our strengths. We also mustn’t leave out the ultimate support - refueling us with wonderful chocolates and homemade baked goods when we needed it most.

Finally, to all my fellow trainees, ahem, Volunteers, this experience wouldn’t be the same without you. Everyone sitting in front of me has continuously inspired, educated, and supported me. Each of you has a unique and amazing background and all of you are making sacrifices to be here. Some of us are missing things like weddings of close friends, births of new babies, loss of loved ones, or other significant life events. While each of us has our individual reasons for putting our lives on hold and prioritizing service to Guatemalans, the common thread we all share is a passion for helping others and the purpose of trying to make the world a better place. Your sacrifices, experiences, and attitudes have shaped our training, and I have no doubt that moving forward they will continue to shape those individuals and circumstances fortunate enough to be affected by your presence.

Over the course of the last two months, we have learned many things:

Not only how to speak Spanish and deliver babies – only joking, Carlos, we know that’s not in our project objectives – but also many practical things such as:

-       How to forge surprise rainy season rivers,

-       how ­not to invite professionals to take a short break during a workshop,

-       and how to navigate rough cobblestones, climb mini mountains, and jump off moving camionetas, all while sporting our finest business casual.

Joking aside, our training has been full of impactful experiences. We had the privilege of participating in a Mayan Ceremony, sharing some of the sacred traditions that have existed here on this land for years before we arrived, teaching us to honor and respect the beautiful things that have come before us, and inspiring us to move forward with our work in ways that incorporate that integrity.

We trekked up the side of Volcan Pacaya, where we saw sights that were otherworldly. We learned about some of the significance of volcanoes here in Guatemala, about the abundance of energy that comes from within, and how the symbol of the triangle can be a great source of inspiration for strength through challenges.

We have planted new gardens for a few families, which was a wonderful opportunity to get our hands dirty and work side by side with nationals, learning that many times, they know much more than we do.

Through these activities we have begun to skim the surface of the vast expanse that is Guatemalan culture. Our host families who have so graciously, and may I say courageously, opened their homes and hearts to us, have given us a window into their culture with a beautiful view, and I think I speak for all of us when I say I can’t wait to get outside to learn more.

While there may be things we don’t understand during our interactions with nationals here in Guatemala, for example someone transporting a full toilet with their family on the back of a single motorcycle, we should take a step back before reacting or judging, and always keep in mind that situations will never mean more than relationships.

I am so honored to have been given the opportunity to serve as a representative of the United States and am grateful for the immense opportunity for cultural exchange, progress, and development that lies before us.

Although we are able quantify days of waiting and hours of training, innumerable are the lives we will touch, the things we will learn, and the changes we will witness, both here in Guatemala, and also within ourselves.

Thank you.

This is me on my first official day as a Volunteer:

They hired a mariachi band for the "after party."

I couldn't have done it without my wonderful Language and Cultural Facilitators, Sandra (left) and Angela (right).

Our whole Bak'tun with Carolyn, our training manager (left) and George, country director (right).

Our Bak’tun recently had the opportunity to observe and participate in a Mayan ceremony. We traveled to the ruins of Iximche, which is near Tecpàn, Chimaltenango. The surroundings were very beautiful and peaceful.

When I walk around sites like these, it reminds me that people have lived on the earth for thousands of years, and even though there might not be striking physical reminders of that in my everyday life – there certainly weren’t any ancient stone pyramids around the pool at my apartment in SLC – people still existed there before me, and people will continue to exist after me, which makes it even more important to care for the only earth we have for the future generations, who may never know or acknowledge the efforts, but will reap the benefits, or harm, of my actions.

Our ceremony started with the Mayan spiritual leader carefully setting up what would be our offering. Everything was oriented on the cardinal directions, and each cardinal direction has its own color, with candles and flowers of each color placed in each direction. North-White, East-Red, South-Yellow, West-Black (but we use purple flowers to represent black). Additionally, there was honey, sugar, incense, and rolled tobacco. To start off, the spiritual leader lit two center candles, one blue to represent the sky and one green to represent the earth. With these, she lit the four main cardinal candles. After that, she went through each of the Nawales (spirits) and asked for blessings upon us and gave offerings of gratitude, with things like sugar, sesame seeds, liquor, and beer.

In Mayan tradition, the day you were born carries a significance which has the name, Nawal. Nawales are spirits who guide and protect the person, but are also characteristics of that person’s character; that person embodies the spirit. Because of the significance of positioning of Nawales during this particular ceremony, we were all told our Nawales before the ceremony. I am 2 B’atz’ which is represented by the monkey. Generally, my Nawal symbolizes a time of development, evolution of human life, the umbilical cord, or the beginning of new life, infinite time of intelligence and wisdom, cosmic phenomenon and the origin of all wisdom. It is the thread that weaves together the past, present, and future, and creates the fabric of human interaction and life. When they told me this I felt very humbled. Whether you believe in certain mythologies or not, having other people believe that of you is a great responsibility and honor. Regardless of my level of belief in ancient Mayan practices, I am going to aspire to realize through my service the potential my Nawal carries, looking to its meaning for inspiration and motivation. It’s an absolutely profound and beautiful tradition and I hope to reflect the honor of these traditions with the people whom I will have the privilege of working.

Until next time, KEEP CALM AND GUATEMALA ON!

Finally in Country!

Landing in Guatemala was nerve racking. I had waited so long to be able to get here and to finally be physically present in this country was very surreal. Getting off the plane caught my breath right away, and not just because it was so humid I couldn’t breathe. A few of the staff from the office and a couple volunteers met us at our baggage pick up and they couldn’t have been more welcoming, with big hugs and expressions of bienvenida! Once through customs we made our way to the office in a couple of vans, eating the fruit and drinking the nectars that our welcoming committee so thoughtfully provided. Traffic was a zoo, but our drivers expertly navigated what appeared to me an impossible maze. The countryside we passed through was lush and green, the road twisting and turning up and down the mountains.

Once at the office the training commenced! We stayed three days in a hotel near the office, with basic trainings to help us not immediately get into too much trouble. On day three we met our training host families for the first time. Anticipation hung thick in the air, making the humidity pale in comparison. After brief introductions, a couple of icebreakers, and a quick photo op, we made our way to the villages that will be our homes until we finish pre-service training in June. The 14 of us in my training class (Bak’tun 7!) are divided among four different villages based on our language level.

My host family is indigenous and lives in a town that is about 90ish% indigenous as well. My family consists of Grandmother, Grandfather, Mother, and three kids, ages 18, 14, and 12. They are all very sweet to me, albeit sometimes rather quiet.  The women of the family tejen (weave), as is the general tradition here. My 18-year-old sister, however, is currently studying tourism at the university. She is very smart and works insanely hard (50+ hours of work during the week and then all weekend at the university).

I generally have Spanish classes 3-4 days a week, 2-3 days I have technical training, and mixed up in between are classes on safety and security, medical, general history, etc. It’s pretty busy but very comprehensive, which makes me feel more confident in what I am doing here.

So what will I be doing here?

I feel like the answer to this question will continually evolve until the day I return to the United States, but as of now I am learning that the Peace Corps is not a charity organization, but rather a development organization. Instead of going and giving specific information or resources, I am going to be working closely with my health center counterparts to develop the programs and education they believe in. It’s the metaphor of teaching someone to fish so they can eat the rest of their lives rather than just feeding them dinner one day. Granted, my work will be centered on specifically improving health outcomes of mothers and their young children, but the way we’re going to get there is yet to be discovered, which is both exciting and daunting.

In the words of a wise friend, until next time, KEEP CALM AND GUATEMALA ON!

Gratitude

Since I have announced my plans to go the Peace Corps, I've been blown away by the support that has come out of the woodwork around me.

I feel like every day when I wake up, I find love and support around every corner I turn. Last week a friend who wasn't in a position to help me move offered to come over and spend time helping me clean my apartment. I mean, of all the activities that are super fun, she offered to help me CLEAN. Honestly, I'm so lucky. And this was just one example of the selflessness and generosity I've found.

Others have been researching Guatemala, giving me the best travel tips. Others have generously donated financial resources to help with the immense costs of moving, preparation, and taking care of business here in the States while I'm unemployed for 2+ years. And more still, countless individuals have listened to countless hours of me expressing fear, excitement, stress and anxiety, ambition, dreams, etc. They sit with me while I cry and dance with me when I need to let loose.

If I had to choose one word to describe my experience over the past 6 months, it would be humbling. I feel like I've been receiving and receiving and receiving, but to be honest, I haven't felt like I've had much to give, in terms of energy, time, etc., and at times it's overwhelmed me with guilt. But I'm (slowly) learning that life isn't always balanced, in fact it rarely is, and that maybe right now I'm not the one in a position to help everyone around me. However, my time will come (in approximately 30 days, to be exact) to give. And when my time does come, I'll draw immense inspiration from those who are touching my life right now. I could not ask for better examples of selfless sacrifice, unencumbered love, and pure humanity.

Life really is so beautiful and I am so glad to be given a part.

Asking for Help

It's never easy for me to admit that I need help, but sometimes I have to just humble myself and admit I need other people, and I might not be able to do it all on my own.

Since Peace Corps has been on my horizons, I've been working as hard as I can to make my dream possible, at one point having three jobs, working 70+ hours a week. However, it hasn't quite been enough, so here I am, asking for help. I appreciate every single penny anyone has to give. I realize there are endless good causes and unlimited ways people can use their resources, so every penny of every donation means so much to me.

Thank you.

Go Fund Me - Melissa in Guatemala

Can't Sleep

This seems to be the theme of my life lately. Over the last couple years, really. The interesting thing is that causes have changed, ranging from anger, fear, disappointment, and grief to euphoria, passion, excitement, and ambition. But, the result stays the same.

Can’t sleep.

This morning (early morning), it’s curiosity. See, I’m getting ready to start off on a new adventure that I have only the slightest idea about what it will be like. And as I lay awake in my bed staring at my ceiling, my window, my closet, I can’t help but wonder how the simple views from bed will change in just a few months.

I’ve joined the Peace Corps.

I’m going to Guatemala at the beginning of April.

I could not be more thrilled or feel luckier to have this opportunity before me.

In the meantime,

Can’t sleep.